Yesterday was not a good day. Against my own rules, I did a HPT (home pregnancy test) and it came up BFN (big fat negative). Against my own rules because AF (aunt flow=period) wasn’t even late yet. I usually forbid myself from testing until there’s a legit reason to test. Legit reasons include, but are not limited to, puking, nausea, sore boobs, late AF. I convinced myself it was our month and tested anyway. That resulted in this blog post.
Then I had to go to work. Need I say more about that one?
Late in the afternoon, I decided that Facebook had taken over my life, and it was time I took it back! As part of this Simplify Your Life challenge, I was starting to take a look at what made me happy, what took up my time, what was stopping me from being the best me I can be. Facebook played way too big a part in my life, and it wasn’t because it was something that made me happy. If anything, it was often making me miserable.
I deactivated my account. When someone asked why, I said Facebook is like Tim Tams for me. I can’t buy a packet of Tim Tams and have them sitting in the fridge and not eat the whole packet in one day. It is physically impossible. So, if I don’t buy them, I don’t eat them. Do you see the analogy? Deactivation was the only way to reduce the amount of my life wasted on FB. There is no “moderation” for an addict.
After Nick went to bed I sat down to do a budget and found out about the balance on our credit card. I hate credit cards, they are the devil. We have been caught in the credit card trap before, and may or may not have outstanding debts in another country. Just saying. The amount itself, this time, is actually not *that* high, but we are about to double it by buying a part for hubby’s ute (that has been out of action for a whole week now, yet another minor irritation).
I’ve been working at least 30 hours a week for a few weeks now, and yet we are still not ahead. We’re not even EVEN. We have a car payment, a computer payment, a couch payment, credit card payments, all these PAYMENTS. I just want to chuck it all in and live in a van! I want to go on a real holiday! I want to be able to replace the damn ute sooner rather than later. I won’t drive the ute. We need a second car that is reliable, safe, that I will be able to drive also.
So last night I spat the dummy and went to bed. At 8:30. But I was so angry I couldn’t even sleep. I thought about my gratitude journal, and won’t repeat the words that came to my mind. You can imagine, though. I was off the wagon. I didn’t want to give thanks for anything and I was standing my ground!
While I was holding on to this anger, I kept thinking, in the back of my mind, Thank God I have my job. We may not be getting ahead, but imagine how far behind we’d be without it? Stupid gratitude, can’t even let me be pissed off for more than an hour. So I sat and wrote letters to our nieces in the US for their Absolutely Incredible Kid day. Hubby brought in a revised copy of the budget.
We CAN get there. We are in a position to get there. But not if we keep having impulsive trips to ikea or buying clothes (and other stuff!) online.
Facebook, spending money/shopping, both big problems of mine. One has been eliminated. Time to work on the other one.