When The Dust Settles

I’m not the first to fail at marriage. I won’t be the last. That is both comforting and somewhat humbling. For a while there I felt like no one else could understand what I was going through. And in reality, 99% of my friends couldn’t. Being one of the only people you know to go through a marriage break up is eye-opening.

It’s been six months since I last blogged. Seven months since my husband moved out of our home. To say it has been a turbulent seven months would be an understatement. There have been lonely nights and weekends, psychologist visits, massive fights, lots of tears, lots of uncertainty, but also lots of realizations and lots of soul searching. There have been great times with friends, there have been some average dates, some promising dates, and some downright shocking dates.

But now that the dust has finally settled, I feel like I am in the best place I’ve been for a really, really long time. I am finally happy. And you know what? I pretty much got here on my own. It started with finally realizing it’s OK to be on my own for a while. And that I’m happy to be on my own. Actually, I am kinda starting to relish it. And it’s OK to hold out for something completely amazing, rather than to settle for the first guy that comes along.

I feel like I have always been a rock for everyone else. I have been the planner, the glue, the shoulder, the listening ear. I have put others needs and emotions before my own. I feel like I have always looked after everyone else. To an extent, I have taken on everyone else’s issues and that has cost me health-wise. The last seven months have shown me that I need to re-prioritize. I finally get to put myself first. If I am going to look after anyone, it will be myself. I have finally learned it is OK to make decisions based on what want. Not on what will make others happy. 

But I’ve also learned that when the going gets tough, and when you get tough, not everyone you think will be there for you actually steps up. Luckily I am enlightened enough to know that is on them, not on me. I can’t give anymore than I already do, so you take me as I am or not at all.

It’s liberating. It’s refreshing. It finally feels right.


8 thoughts on “When The Dust Settles

  1. Well I wasn’t expecting a notification from you in my inbox but YAY! Welcome. I too am the rock for other people, always, I’m the one who always asking how other people are and doing things for others, so I know exactly what you’re saying. So happy you are feeling in a nice spot right now, sure it might fade in and out but you know you can feel it right? Much love always xx

    • You didn’t fall off your chair did you? I don’t know what spurred me to write. For the most part I feel this way, although the mundane day to day has been getting to me lately. It is a roller coaster ride for sure. Maybe the more I write about it the quicker it will all make sense!?

  2. I was surprised to see a notification this morning from you – so glad you are back blogging. I totally get the being there for everyone feeling – it’s a fantastic feeling when you take back your power and make sure that you look after you first. When you do that you realise that you get to a point where you can help others better because you are in a much better place.
    I have learned a lot about myself with A being away so much especially now that K isn’t home either. I have got to the point where I enjoy my own company and I can manage on my own – I get out and cut the grass and make my own fires – I don’t BBQ yet but I doubt I will ever bother to learn that skill !!!! I have been out a few times with friends but it’s really not my thing – I would rather stay at home with Netflix and my crocheting – yes, I’m old !!! LOL
    I’m so glad to hear that you are happy – that counts for sooooooo much !

  3. Hey Aroha – Happy Birthday – I just read your FB post about going off line and thought I’d check in on your blog as I hadn’t seen you in a long while (I also have been very slack blogging these last six months). It’s been a big year for you – take care of yourself. It sounds like you are in a good place right now. X

    • Thanks Kathy. I am finding some days I’m in a really good place other days I’m not so much. But it’s ok, I am getting there, and getting more and m ore ok days. 🙂 Sometimes blogging takes a back seat to “real” life.

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