At 2 am

At 2 am the house is eerily quiet. Which makes every creak, thud, tick, sound that little bit louder…and that little bit scarier. I wonder if these sounds are what wakes my 6 year old son and sends him running to our bed. Every night.

At 2 am I lay awake, a foot, sometimes a head, jammed in my back, pushing me closer and closer to the edge of the bed, and before I know it I’m hanging on for dear life. I can’t sleep like this. My mind kicks into over drive.

I start to analyze every part of my life. All the things I did wrong, all the regrets. I’m still young, people tell me. Mind you, only people who are older than me say it. But then it is all about perspective isn’t it? 36 isn’t old, but let’s face it, it’s not young, and if I’m lucky it’s mid-life. Oh God, I’m having a midlife crisis!

More often than not I think,”How did I get here?!?!” At 2 am especially it echoes in my mind.

At 2 am I worry. I stress. I ask for signs and for peace and for the love of God some direction and reprieve. Life is too overwhelming at 2 am.

At 2 am, all the words I keep to myself so as I don’t use them and hurt others start to invade my mind. They start to hurt me. Then I just get angry.

At 2 am every thought is negative. and I realise how badly I need to sleep.

At 2 am I realise it’s now 4 am, my alarm is going off in an hour for work, and I’m going to be rat-shit for the next 3 days. But hey, at least I broke the blogging drought.

At 7:00 am I’m editing this post and realising that at 2 am I am a total drama queen. Oh there is nothing better for you than a GOOD.NIGHT’S.SLEEP.

 Linking up with Jess for I Blog On Tuesdays

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12 thoughts on “At 2 am

  1. Great post! ‘At 2am I realise it’s now 4am’ – it really does go that quickly (yet slowly) when you’re struggling for sleep, doesn’t it? I hope you get a GREAT night’s sleep. Soon. x

  2. yay for breaking the blogging drought! Always an upside hey? Sorry to hear things were so sucky at 2am hope some sleep has helped it all pass. Sending lots of fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way lovely xx

  3. I often lie awake at night too worrying about things that aren’t worth worrying about. Why do we do this to ourselves? I sometimes jot down thoughts during this time too. When I look at them the next day, sometimes they will be great ideas and others I will wonder what the hell I was on about. I hope you have a full night’s sleep tonight. Visiting via #teamIBOT

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