Sometimes It All Just Goes To Shit

I must confess, I am not coping.

You know how you can be cruising through life, thinking, “Hey, life is good man!” and you just feel content. Yeah, I knew that feeling too, just a few months ago. Things were looking up. We had plans, and those plans were going to take us somewhere.

Then it all came crashing down, it seems.

If I were to believe in biorhythms, I’d know I just need to ride this out and things will all be right again. I think my heart knows that they will be. But my head has run away with the damned evil fairies and is threatening to never come back.

Just before Christmas I had what I thought was just a gum infection. Turns out it was much worse, and one of my front teeth needs to be pulled, sooner rather than later, and the only options for replacement are denture or implant. The problem with implant is the bone in my gum has deteriorated and may not be healthy enough to anchor the titanium screw required for an implant. If that’s the case, then I need a bone implant first, then we wait 5 months to see if it “takes” before they can place the titanium screw in. There’s one sentence on the dentist’s website that is keeping me from completely freaking out. “You will be provided with temporary teeth at all stages of the process.” Because, you know, the cost freaks me out, but the thought of being toothless for even a week makes me feel ill. If it was a back tooth, I wouldn’t care, but one of my front ones?

I’m also worried because I’ve never had a tooth extracted before. And the dentist wasn’t overly reassuring when he said the tooth being extracted is cracked and “may not all come out in one go.” This will result in “drilling and chipping” the rest of the tooth away. Are you jealous of me yet?

So just to top all this off, I have uni starting in less than 2 weeks, we might be moving house, hubby might be making a career change, and I still have to keep the rest of life all together – like work, school, being a mum and wife. Oh, and hubby and N go away for a boys weekend next month and hubby and I go away for a weekend in May. Which will be hard when every penny we have will be spent on my tooth. But also, who wants to go away for a weekend with NO tooth?! (Assuming the reassuring sentence on his website LIES!).

The hardest part right now is the not knowing – not knowing if my camera will sell and we’ll have the extra money. Not knowing what will happen with my tooth and how long this process will be. Not knowing when or if we’ll be moving house, or when or if hubby will get this career-change opportunity. I am a creature of habit. I am a planner. I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type person. Like, not.at.all.

In the meantime, our 5 year old is testing the boundaries. He is being defiant, non-listening, and starting to talk back a bit. The poor kid has no one to play with and for the most part is being somewhat ignored by parents who are completely consumed with worries about all that is surrounding us at the moment. It is not fair on him, none of this is his fault.

Through all this shit, and yes, it feels like it has all gone to shit, I am mindful that “It could be worse.” I know that things could always be much worse. But I also know that things can be, and have been, much better. I just hope that they return to the better, sooner rather than later. I am not sure how much longer I can hold on and ride out this biorhythm. I am not coping.

Linking up with Kirsty at My Home Truths for I Must Confess

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12 thoughts on “Sometimes It All Just Goes To Shit

  1. It’s a tooth, and it will be fine. They are good at this stuff now (as long as your dentist is good) but they need to tell you worst case scenario.
    As for the free fall whirl wind, that one is harder to manage. I can tell you it’s all in your mindset but as a catastrophier, I know how useless that is to say.
    Can you try to block out the move/career change until it happens? Focus on the money or something you can control?
    Good luck & remember it’s ok to lose your sh&t from time to time. Cut yourself some slack where you can. If you can, check your worries for an hour & just play with your son (he’ll still buck up because he’s becoming his own person, but you might smile & laugh a bit more).
    Take it easy. Look after yourself

  2. I’m sorry to hear all that and that you’re not coping. As Lydia said it will be fine, they are very good these days. I hope you can find a way to take things one day at a time and that things get better sooner rather than later. Good luck. xo

  3. Sorry to read that things are not good at the moment for you. It doesn’t help right now but it will get better it really really will. Easy to say I know but I am also going through it a bit at the moment and its the fact that it WILL get better that is getting me through. Try to hold on to that and concentrate on the good things like your weekend away together.
    And also everything Lydia said – she articulates it much better than me. It’s ok to feel crappy sometimes and at least you have your bloggy friends to ‘chat’ to. Xxx

  4. Oh lovely makes me sad to read this, it sucks when things seem to spiral out of control. But try to take on dilemma at a time. I’m sure you won’t be toothless, if so you can come hang here, we’ll make a funny YouTube video, it’ll go viral and make our fortune! I also read that kids who are defiant, stubborn and have very strong opinions are often those with good self confidence, so that’s one way to look at the N thing! Who wants kids who always do as they’re told (my nose just grew) Love ya guts x

  5. I feel for you. Currently going through a similar thing, where basically everything is out of my control and costing a small fortune. I don’t do well under these conditions. No real suggestions, other than go back to basics and concentrate on the family.

    What camera are you selling? I like Emily’s suggestions on making money from being toothless. πŸ™‚

    Thinking of you.

  6. The dentist thing is so expensive, isn’t it? My husband has to go in later in the week and get multiple fillings – not cheap for those so can only imagine how expensive a replacement tooth would be. It WILL get better – you just have to believe that, although it can be nearly impossible when it seems everything has gone to shit. We are all here if you need to vent your way through it – that certainly helps me when I’m low x

  7. Someone once gave me some really good advice for when I was doing exactly what you are doing…. She told me to “stop trying to sugar coating my shit and just accept that sometimes things are just shit and it’s ok to just stamp your foot and be shitty with the shit things that are happening”
    Don’t try and sugar coat it and say it could be worse because right now it sounds like things a shit and I’m not going to tell you everything will be fine because I know that’s not what you want to hear right now…
    (I will however say, good luck with everything.. xo)

  8. I really like what Zita said. Sure it’s great to have perspective but sometimes we feel shit and that everything is turning to shit and it’s perfectly ok to say hey I’m not coping right now.
    Good luck with your tooth and all that it entails, I hope that the website isn’t lying and you don’t have to go without a front tooth!

  9. biggest hugs hon – sending tooth vibes to you and your dentist so at least you are not toothless chicky xxx i hate uncertainty too – it is a current way of life for my family and I try to just focus on one day at a time and leave it to my subsconscience and dreaming for all the stress to come through xx

  10. It’s ok to feel like shit and not cope…it’s a scary thing! Anything to do with teeth and dentists is a worry…and yeah, they are rarely reassuring! Hope it all goes well and you have fewer things to worry about. Take care xx

  11. Oh lovely 😦 I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow.

    The last tooth I had taken out (last year) was a mammoth job as well – very similar to what you need to have done. Have faith in your dentist that he/she is more than capable of doing what needs doing.

    And please take time to rest afterwards.

    MC xoxo

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