I must confess, I am not coping.
You know how you can be cruising through life, thinking, “Hey, life is good man!” and you just feel content. Yeah, I knew that feeling too, just a few months ago. Things were looking up. We had plans, and those plans were going to take us somewhere.
Then it all came crashing down, it seems.
If I were to believe in biorhythms, I’d know I just need to ride this out and things will all be right again. I think my heart knows that they will be. But my head has run away with the damned evil fairies and is threatening to never come back.
Just before Christmas I had what I thought was just a gum infection. Turns out it was much worse, and one of my front teeth needs to be pulled, sooner rather than later, and the only options for replacement are denture or implant. The problem with implant is the bone in my gum has deteriorated and may not be healthy enough to anchor the titanium screw required for an implant. If that’s the case, then I need a bone implant first, then we wait 5 months to see if it “takes” before they can place the titanium screw in. There’s one sentence on the dentist’s website that is keeping me from completely freaking out. “You will be provided with temporary teeth at all stages of the process.” Because, you know, the cost freaks me out, but the thought of being toothless for even a week makes me feel ill. If it was a back tooth, I wouldn’t care, but one of my front ones?
I’m also worried because I’ve never had a tooth extracted before. And the dentist wasn’t overly reassuring when he said the tooth being extracted is cracked and “may not all come out in one go.” This will result in “drilling and chipping” the rest of the tooth away. Are you jealous of me yet?
So just to top all this off, I have uni starting in less than 2 weeks, we might be moving house, hubby might be making a career change, and I still have to keep the rest of life all together – like work, school, being a mum and wife. Oh, and hubby and N go away for a boys weekend next month and hubby and I go away for a weekend in May. Which will be hard when every penny we have will be spent on my tooth. But also, who wants to go away for a weekend with NO tooth?! (Assuming the reassuring sentence on his website LIES!).
The hardest part right now is the not knowing – not knowing if my camera will sell and we’ll have the extra money. Not knowing what will happen with my tooth and how long this process will be. Not knowing when or if we’ll be moving house, or when or if hubby will get this career-change opportunity. I am a creature of habit. I am a planner. I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type person. Like, not.at.all.
In the meantime, our 5 year old is testing the boundaries. He is being defiant, non-listening, and starting to talk back a bit. The poor kid has no one to play with and for the most part is being somewhat ignored by parents who are completely consumed with worries about all that is surrounding us at the moment. It is not fair on him, none of this is his fault.
Through all this shit, and yes, it feels like it has all gone to shit, I am mindful that “It could be worse.” I know that things could always be much worse. But I also know that things can be, and have been, much better. I just hope that they return to the better, sooner rather than later. I am not sure how much longer I can hold on and ride out this biorhythm. I am not coping.
Linking up with Kirsty at My Home Truths for I Must Confess