Undecided

When I started university in the US back in August of 1996, I had yet to declare a major. As such, on my reports, my major was listed as “undecided.” I feel like, since moving back to Australia over 7 years ago, my future has been “undecided.” I’ve wanted to do plenty of things. I’ve tried some things. I’ve never found ONE THING that I’ve wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I want to be a photographer!

I want a(nother) baby!

I want to go back to uni!

I just can’t make up my mind what I want.

I’ve enrolled in uni, and I am excited about that. I have fancy camera equipment that I am too anxious/shy/hesitant to make a real go of anything with and as a hobby it is bloody expensive. Especially when 99% of the time I take pics with my iPhone.

Last year I was all ready to charge full-steam ahead into assisted fertility treatments to get that baby #2 we have always wanted, but now that Nick is in grade 1 I feel like the time has passed. I really can’t imagine going back to sleepless nights, nappies and all that goes with having a newborn. I’ve seen so many toddler tantrums this week and all I can think is “Thank God we’re past that!”

I know everyone is busy, and I am not trying to say I’m more busy than anyone else, but thinking about my schedule makes me anxious. Between 20 hours a week of uni, 27 hours a week of work, 3 x 1 hour PT sessions, Tuesday ladies tennis, running Nick around to school and gymnastics (thankfully we’ve dropped swimming!)…I feel like something is going to have to give. Unfortunately the only thing I’m willing to give up is the only thing that pays me!

I’m in my mid-30s and I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I sometimes feel like I’m the only person in the world who feels like that, but then I talk to others, even people older than me, and they’re still trying to figure out what they want to be “when they grow up”.

I think about my grandparents, the generations who went to school, got a job, then stayed in that job until they retired. Does that even happen anymore? People never used to dream of changing jobs, let alone changing careers completely! And we we are, The Mechanic and I, both in our mid-30s and working on big career changes. Mine isn’t necessarily a big step, but his is. It’s both exciting and scary, and I’d just like to hit FF on the next few years (although yes, I know, it will go quicker than we know!).

Tell me we’re not the only ones going through mid-life career changes? What keeps you busy?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT! Why not join in?

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9 thoughts on “Undecided

  1. I’m feeling rather restless and undecided myself too.. especially as my birthday approaches haha. It seems as if I should have it “all figured out” by now, but I don’t and I get a feeling that I might never do 😛

    P.S. same feeling about kids #2 as well..

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  2. It’s a tough one I know – especially if you’re not quite happy where you are now. Because that would have been my advice, try and be happy in the now BUT if you aren’t enjoying now then that’s not going to happen. Something will have to give, but what? There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do all we have (or maybe ‘want’ to is a better word) to do. You have an eye for photography, maybe the more you do it the more fosity fitch you’ll get (bossy bitch)! No answers here, just support. As for me, I know I have no choice but to keep doing what I’m doing until 2017, when my three are at school!! xx

  3. Just looking at your schedule I don’t know how you fit everything in. I do know how you feel about not knowing what you want to be, I am/have been in the same boat, with too many options in the picture. What I have decided to do with some advice given to me is just to give one thing I want to do a good whirl, invest all i can in it and see where I land, if you know what i mean. x

  4. How busy are you! I know exactly what you mean about feeling undecided. Since becoming a Mumma I can not imagine returning to my previous life… and career. Looking forward to see what tomorrow brings.. hopefully a brilliant direction! X

  5. I am crazy busy – I can’t even write my schedule down – it is too overwhelming – as for working out what I want to be when I grow up, I think in one way we are very lucky that we can still ask ourselves that question and pursue the answer. Some people live a life without that choice – so while it may feel unknown and perhaps a little uncertain, it is also full of possibility and that is the greatest part x Josefa #teamIBOT

  6. You are SO not alone. I am still undecided what will come next for me. My kids are growing up way to fast and I now have a need to do something just for me. The trouble is what ?
    Good luck with fitting everything into your tight schedule, I’m sure things will work out and you will charge into 2014 with determination and success xx

  7. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life and to be honest every time I think about it I break out into a sweat. Some days it’s hard enough trying to figure out what I am going to do the next day!

  8. You are definitely not the only ones!!! I am working on the exact same plan this year…working out what my next career is because I am well and truly over this one (just so hard to walk away when you are not sure what you are walking to and the stability of what you have)

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