What NOT To Do At Work Christmas Parties

I joked last week that with the “trouble makers” at work gone, there’d be a space to fill at the annual staff Christmas party, and just maybe I’d have to fill it. The drink-too-much-dance-on-the-tables-and-do-body-shots-with-inappropriate-people space, that is. I was joking. At least, I thought I was. While I didn’t dance on the tables or do body shots with inappropriate people, I did drink too much. Something I always said I would never do at a work function. Here’s a few other things you shouldn’t do.

1. Stay at the hotel the party is being held at. If you have to go home, you might limit your beverage intake a little more. When you have a room upstairs, you think you’re at home and can just get as drunk as you want and retire to bed whenever you want. The thing is, hotel bars don’t really like you dancing around barefoot in your pyjamas* like you can at home.

2. Skull 2 beverages in your room before going downstairs to the party. Especially when you didn’t eat lunch.

3. Skull 3 more beverages before the food is served. Not only will you now be well on your way to being smashed, you won’t feel like eating much food.

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4. Announce loudly that “The hairy balls are gross. I do NOT like hairy balls”** after your entrees are placed in front of you.

5. Order your boss a drink every time you order one for yourself and tell her to “Keep up slacker” when she falls behind.

6. Sit at a table with a bunch of coworkers you never talk to and accuse them of being anti-social because they only ever associate with their own department.

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7. Continuously forget one of your coworkers names. Especially after you’ve spent 3 hours dancing with them.

8. Tell the BIG boss (the GM) “No matter what anyone says, you’re doing a great job, don’t listen to them!” (in this case, when you get “that look” and the “What who says?” question, immediately pretend you “LOVE THIS SONG!” and get back on the dance floor where it’s too hard to talk.

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9. Punch coworkers, or members who may happen to turn up for the after party, even if they tell you or ask you to.

10. Try to get on stage with the band and sing any of the following: Khe San, Run To Paradise, Summer of 69, Sweet Child O’ Mine.

* I did not do this. I kept my heels (and party frock) on all night!

** Dinner was in a Chinese restaurant at this hotel. I have no idea what the hairy balls were, but they were not good.

Have you ever behaved inappropriately at a work function? Did you suffer consequences?

Linking up with Jess for IBOT (I Blog On Tuesdays)