What NOT To Do At Work Christmas Parties

I joked last week that with the “trouble makers” at work gone, there’d be a space to fill at the annual staff Christmas party, and just maybe I’d have to fill it. The drink-too-much-dance-on-the-tables-and-do-body-shots-with-inappropriate-people space, that is. I was joking. At least, I thought I was. While I didn’t dance on the tables or do body shots with inappropriate people, I did drink too much. Something I always said I would never do at a work function. Here’s a few other things you shouldn’t do.

1. Stay at the hotel the party is being held at. If you have to go home, you might limit your beverage intake a little more. When you have a room upstairs, you think you’re at home and can just get as drunk as you want and retire to bed whenever you want. The thing is, hotel bars don’t really like you dancing around barefoot in your pyjamas* like you can at home.

2. Skull 2 beverages in your room before going downstairs to the party. Especially when you didn’t eat lunch.

3. Skull 3 more beverages before the food is served. Not only will you now be well on your way to being smashed, you won’t feel like eating much food.

4. Announce loudly that “The hairy balls are gross. I do NOT like hairy balls”** after your entrees are placed in front of you.

5. Order your boss a drink every time you order one for yourself and tell her to “Keep up slacker” when she falls behind.

6. Sit at a table with a bunch of coworkers you never talk to and accuse them of being anti-social because they only ever associate with their own department.

7. Continuously forget one of your coworkers names. Especially after you’ve spent 3 hours dancing with them.

8. Tell the BIG boss (the GM) “No matter what anyone says, you’re doing a great job, don’t listen to them!” (in this case, when you get “that look” and the “What who says?” question, immediately pretend you “LOVE THIS SONG!” and get back on the dance floor where it’s too hard to talk.

9. Punch coworkers, or members who may happen to turn up for the after party, even if they tell you or ask you to.

10. Try to get on stage with the band and sing any of the following: Khe San, Run To Paradise, Summer of 69, Sweet Child O’ Mine.

* I did not do this. I kept my heels (and party frock) on all night!

** Dinner was in a Chinese restaurant at this hotel. I have no idea what the hairy balls were, but they were not good.

Have you ever behaved inappropriately at a work function? Did you suffer consequences?

Linking up with Jess for IBOT (I Blog On Tuesdays)

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40 thoughts on “What NOT To Do At Work Christmas Parties

  1. It you really said “Keep up, Slacker” you are my new hero. That is HILARIOUS! Funny bad behaviour is acceptable in my book, as it provides amusement to the relieved people who for once, didn’t do it. Gold star, lady!

  2. At least you had fun, right?

    Where I worked in the UK had the fanciest Christmas parties – they’d bus us into the centre of London in formal gear to some swanky hotel ballroom and every year the bus back was full of people spewing (windy roads and drunk people is not a good mix). One year I was one of them – I fell asleep on the bus and woke up to puke in my gift bag which was paper so barely held it and leaked all over hubby’s tux. I also managed to tell a co-worker that divorce looked good on him (in my defence, it did – he lost like 40kg in a couple of months). Not my finest evening.

  3. Ohh you’re my favourite type of work party goer then 😉 I am always the boring one. Hubby’s Christmas party resulted in 7 smashed wine glasses and one smashed water bottle and, apparently, a man hiding under the pool table by the end of the night. We had left by then, unfortunately!
    These are certainly great tips.

  4. Oh dear! Too funny – although am sure you were not thinking that the morning after! I am thankful now that I missed our staff party as that quite easily could have been me…I am definitely a nervous drinker, when I am nervous I drink more, and things like staff christmas parties make me extremely nervous!

  5. Lol. Number five is my favourite. Ummm yes, I have acted inappropriately at a work function, but I was much, much younger and dumber 🙂 If we get drunk together in the future, I’ll tell you all about it 🙂

  6. Hilarious! Thankfully due to having a small child just being born this year I had 2 drinks and went home. But last year……a whole different story! It doesn’t help when your boss is urging you to ‘keep up’ with the shots

  7. *chucking* As I was reading through each item on the list, I kept wondering, did this really happen??? But then I finally saw the little disclaimer at the end. Phew! hehehehe… very funny. Or maybe this is in reference to something else you witnessed at the party??? ^_^ Have a great Christmas

  8. Oh no, sounds like you had to do the walk of shame at work the next day! I’ve done it once, and once only. Got so smashed that I puked on the company bus the whole way home and they couldn’t find a taxi driver who would take me from the pickup point. Never. Again.

    • Luckily we did the walk of shame at 7:30 am before anyone else in the Casino – including my coworkers who also stayed – were up and about! 😉 ha! I had a friend puke in a cab once and it was a $100 cleanup fee!!

    • Unfortunately I popped an entire hairy ball in my mouth in one go, which is what prompted me to announce loudly that the hairy balls were terrible. LOL. I wish I could have that much fun without the alcohol – or at least without the hangover!

    • I did. I think I did! Everyone at work is telling me how much fun I was – well, the ones who aren’t calling me “pisshead” and other names, like “the machine” (my new nickname. eek!). ha ha

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