More Than A Feeling

It’s been too long between confessions, so I decided to head over to Kirsty’s My Home Truths to see what today’s I Must Confess topic was. “Huh” (as in “interesting”, not “what the…?”) was my initial reaction to “How do you feel?” How do I feel? Where do I start?

I feel tired. Tired of the same routine day in and day out. Which is ironic, because any break from the regular routine tends to cause anxiety.

I feel annoyed and excited at the same time over the upcoming school holidays. Excited because I’m hoping to get 2 weeks off work, annoyed because I can’t have all 6 weeks off which means juggling annual leave for both me and The Mechanic so that someone has a day off when mum or my sister can’t help out. I’m frustrated that the gymnastics vacation care he loved so much last school holidays is only offered Tue-Wed-Thur when I work Mon-Thur-Fri. I feel grateful and lucky that it looks like there’s only 1 day I’ll have to beg a friend to watch him and only 1 day we’ll have to put him in the Gymnastics vacation care.

I feel dizzy, not to be confused with ditzy, which I also sometimes feel, more often than is probably normal.

I feel anxious about the Christmas holidays. Last year I took 4 weeks off personal training and gained 4kgs. I usually love Christmas, but something this year has me thinking I can’t wait until it’s all over and we can just get on with 2014.

I feel old, but also proud, to have a gorgeous boy who has thrived at school this year and is going into year 1 next year. I’m sure I’ll worry about him at the start of every year, about how he’ll adjust to a new teacher, new classmates, a slightly heavier work load. I worried this year, and he has been wonderful. I hope that’s the case every year. Still, it won’t stop the worrying.

I feel like time is slipping away and I am too old for “all this shit.” I know I am not.

I feel like I should confess more often. It feels good to get thoughts out on paper in a post.

Linking up with Kirsty for I Must Confess

My Home Truths

8 thoughts on “More Than A Feeling

  1. You know what? Sometimes life just becomes about logistics, and that is stressful and joy sucking. I think sometimes Christmas becomes just one of the many logistics to be factored in to life. It may change next year, but this year, just cut yourself some slack. Go through the motions (because you will get some happiness out of them) and let the guilt go.
    I think it’s sad that much of our adult life is spent engaged in activities and emotions we don’t want to rejoice in. So build in a few treats for you too. That’s what life is all about!

  2. I can’t wait for Christmas to be over either. I’d really love for everyone to go back to not promoting it or mentioning it till Dec 1st. It seems to hit the shops now early September.

  3. Hey! If you are old, what does that make me?!? (just joking) We are hosting Xmas this year so while I am in organising mode-none of my family cares at the moment, so I can’t be as organised as I had hoped. I would love to get a personal trainer except for the fact I am very lazy and would have to be accountable for that laziness…xx

  4. I’m over Christmas already too. I think for me it’s because nothing is organised and my needing to know what is going on anxiety is scratching to get out. I am trying to keep it under wraps but it’s bubbling under the surface.

  5. I’m kind of with you Aroha! Am wondering how I am going to survive the Christmas weight gain as I have little willpower when it comes to Chrissy goodies. Would also be keen to forget it all and just fast forward to 2014!

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