Decisions, Decisions

I think we’ve all been here before. Let’s face it, even the most mundane day is filled with little crossroads. Just today I had to decide if I was going to go shopping after my Dr appointment, or go home. I know, it’s a no-brainer, an easy choice to make. But some decisions are not so easy. Some cross roads are so big, it’s all you can do to get through the intersection quick enough before you get hit by an oncoming train.

I walked into that doctor’s office, not knowing if I was going to ask for a referral back to the fertility clinic, or a prescription for the pill. Being in our mid-30s means it is time for us to take one action or another, when it comes to having more children another child. We need to decide if we are going to try IUI (a simple process in which nurses monitor your hormone levels and the Dr inseminates you right at ovulation) or take necessary precautions to ensure I don’t want to wake up one day, 40 years old and find out I’m pregnant. I don’t mean any disrespect to 40 year olds who are pregnant or women who had babies at 40. If we didn’t have Nick, I probably wouldn’t care how old I was, I’d keep trying until I got a bub. But I always thought my family would be done by 30, 32 at the latest! I had Nick just before I turned 30 and here we are, 35 and 36 years old – not old in most senses of the word, but in fertility years, that’s one foot in the grave, and we’re still trying to get baby number 2. Nick is sensitive, funny, cheeky, kind and caring. While we do realise how  fortunate we are to have one happy, healthy, child, I wish we could have had 5 more just like him*.

People ask why we don’t just go straight to IVF. To be honest, there’s so much about IVF that turns us off.  In comparison to IVF, IUI is inexpensive and it’s un-intrusive, and it may be enough for a couple like us, who have already conceived one child on our own. The upfront expense of IVF, coupled with the emotional and physical demands, is not something we are all that keen to undertake. But ask me again at the end of three rounds of IUI, if they have failed.

I’m hoping that by deciding to go down the path of assisted reproduction, I’ll be able to sleep at night and get some closure on this unwanted chapter of our lives. If the IUI doesn’t work, I will at least know that we tried everything within our power that we are willing to do. On the other hand, if it does work….well this blog will suddenly become very baby-focused and annoying**. I apologise in advance.

So for now we’ve decided to enjoy what is left of 2013, the Christmas silly season, the new year, the school holidays. And then we try – really try – to make this family a family of 4. While my head screams, “Are you sure you want to experience child birth again and suffer sleep deprivation again?” my heart screams, “10 years from now will you regret not trying harder?” So we’re following our hearts, knowing that it is what it is and whatever is meant to be, will be. And that no matter what path we choose, it will be the right one for us.

Have you found yourself at a crossroads lately? How did you decide which path to choose?

* Maybe not 5 more. Not this late in life. I’m too old for that shit. And I know, no 2 kids are ever the same so statistically speaking, 5 more just like Nick is impossible.

** Not saying baby-focused blogs are boring….ok, maybe they are, a little, but only to people who don’t have babies.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT! Won’t you join us? 

23 thoughts on “Decisions, Decisions

  1. Good luck Aroha – from everything I’ve read from you and your comments over on my blog I am sure that you need to give yourself the chance to have another child – I so hope you can expand your family. Hugs.

  2. I agree with the others, trust your instinct. We took ages to decide on going for baby no3, but I didn’t want any regrets. Luckily my hubby agreed. Follow your heart chicken. The hardest part is making the decision. Then all roads lead to…..? xx

  3. SUCH a big decision. Thinking of you guys as you make these decisions, and definitely hoping that if you go down the baby making path again that it is quick, painless and smooth sailing. xo

  4. Aroha, thank you so much for writing about this in your blog. At the moment I feel like I am not just at a crossroads but stuck in one of those crazy mazes with blocks and barricades along the way and not really knowing which way to turn!!! I read a quote recently ’embrace your demons and follow you heart’. You will make the right decision and should be able to take comfort in the fact that you did everything you could. I wish you all the very very best and look forward to reading more about your journey….

  5. That is great news. I didn’t even know about IUI. Take it from me, someone who has over seven years between children- that gap is very soon much, much smaller than you think. I wish I’d known that earlier to save so much fretting xxx Break an egg 😉

  6. It’s such a hard choice to make, but I think in ten years, this will be the one you are happy with.
    And if this becomes just a baby blog, I won’t think it’s boring, but instead a miracle xx

  7. Good luck whichever path you choose. You still have plenty of fertile years yet too. My 6th was conceived at 42 first try with one fallopian tube. I think there’s a time and place for everything. Just wait and live in the meantime and try not to stress. Don’t worry about feeling ‘old’ either. Most people are shocked by my age as they think I am in my early 30’s (I still act 29)! 😀

  8. Aroha, I’m such at a crossroad now in my life…
    I truly wish you all the best with your journey. Fingers crossed for you. Thanks for talking about this subject and I’m looking forward to read about this journey.

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