For most of my teenage and early-20s life, I envisioned myself as being a career woman. Kids was the furthest thing from my mind. A husband and family were certainly not on the cards for me. No, I would rather the large double-mahogany doors into the corner office with a view of the city. Not just any city. New York City.
I didn’t know what I would do, what line of business it would be, but I knew I wanted to be in charge. I wanted to wear black pencil skirts with pale pink shell tops and one-button blazers. I wanted to wear stockings and stilettos. I wanted to demand people’s attention, and a big fat pay check.
Then I hit about 23 or 24 years old, and suddenly I decided I wanted 5 kids. I wanted to make up for the Christmases spent going from one parent to the other, from one extended family to another. I wanted to have 5 kids who would all grow up and have babies of their own, and they’d all come home for Christmas, just like in the movies.
Now, here I am, well and truly “grown up” and not only do I not have a career, but I also don’t have 5 kids. I have one. One perfect one, at least, but still “just” one.
People around me seem to think about falling pregnant and it happens. I know people terrified they WILL fall pregnant, because it has happened so easily in the past.
It’s hard for me to imagine that NOT wanting something to happen could be as scary as wanting it TO happen, but fearing it never will. If you can follow that.
Yet we all find ourselves in these situations. Wanting something, not wanting something as the case may be, and I wonder how much control we have over any of it. At the most, I’d say very little.
Then I hear about a woman who delivered her baby, who was sleeping, today. The day that should be the most joyous in her life, is now the most tragic and heart wrenching. This date, for the rest of her life, will bring sorrow instead of joy, pain instead of happiness.
And I think, it doesn’t matter if you’re a career woman, or a mum of 1 or 20 kids, it doesn’t matter if you command a board room or a play room. Life is a gift. It is precious. It can be given and taken away at any moment. And we need to NOT take that for granted. And tonight I hugged my one baby a little tighter, laughed a little longer, told him I loved him and that he is my favourite in the whole world. I am so thankful for him, and for my life, whatever it may hold.
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Colours of Sunset 
I wanted to be top brass in a company wearing power suits too! But yeah, that obviously didn’t happen. Maybe in thr future?
It is sad sad news to hear about the baby delivered sleeping 😦 sometimes I do get the “jealousy” pangs whenever I hear someone getting pregnant again or giving birth to her 2nd child. But then I always remember that at least I have one – and she is a great one.
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
What a truly beautiful post Aroha. Babies bron sleeping are heart breaking. As are many other things that life can throw at us. Persepctive is a tricky one. Often it takes tragedy to pull it back into line. Life is good, even when we think it is not, it really is xx
So very true!
Well said! It’s amazing in retrospect, the things we thought we wanted and how it all plays out. It’s like we actually don’t really make choices, we just drift along on a path that was designed for us with out us being party to it, even though we think we are. Anyway, lovely post. xx
I am so sorry for her loss, my daughter was born sleeping and it is something you never imagine . Heartfelt words.
Wise words. So sorry to hear about the lady who’s baby was born sleeping, I can’t imagine the pain she must be going through.
Well said Aroha. Life is a gift, pregnancy and birth are miracles and we should never lose sight of all the good things that we have. Very timely advice for me right now!
You are completely right, we need to embrace and love what we have, if we always want what we haven’t got we’ll never be happy! I’ve never heard it put that way before, born sleeping, so sad 😦
Life is weird, I always thought while I was taking a HPT post IVF that there was someone out there who was my total opposite, someone who was looking at that stick and wishing on a negative.
I always find hearing of babies born sleeping to be the most heartbreaking thing. My friend lost one of her twins halfway through the pregnancy and had to go the rest of the pregnancy with him inside to preserve the healthy twin. The day of the birth was the best and most horrifying day of her life. We have so little control and really can only embrace what we have been given.
Dreams and aspirations help us to get out of bed in the morning but being grateful for what we already have takes grace and determination. Thank you for making me stop and appreciate what is around me. Sending a silent prayer to all the mothers who lost a child in this terribly sad way.
beautiful post hon – so true and so sad xx deb
beautifully written x
This is so true Aroha… For me, I always thought that having a child is something natural and granted. But now that I’m struggling with getting pregnant and also because around me there were many miscarriages in the last year and even my friend who lost a baby aged 40 days, I realised that having a child is truly a gift, a blessing.
It takes a tragedy like this to make us really realise just how blessed we are doesn’t it?
I still pray all the time for you Aroha, that your dream for more babies will come true. Just so you know xxx