When We’re Young

When we’re young, we panic that if we have sex we’ll get pregnant.

Pregnant Teenager: “But I only did it once!”
Parent: “It only takes one time!”

We go all out to ensure we don’t fall pregnant, that we don’t “ruin our lives”. Even in our 20s, when we are partying it up, finding our way in the world, a pregnancy could be the beginning of the end.

Then we start to think about it a bit more. We meet a nice boy (or girl) and start thinking about how many we’d like to have. Me? I wanted five. Yes, F.I.V.E! My husband is one of five, which is as close to having five as I am going to get!

We get married, and the first question is, “When are you going to have a baby?” I’m not kidding, when I was pregnant, I was asked if we would have more, and if so, when? Then when you’re pregnant, people say, “What are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?” Then you have your first, and everyone wants to know if/when you’ll have your second and if you’re hoping for the opposite sex of the first one. You’d think we’d moved out of the 50s, where the ideal family was husband, wife, son, daughter (preferably about 2 years later). We haven’t.

I’m not sure what makes me more upset, people who ask what sex baby you want, or people who have an answer for that. I follow too many blogs, too many twitterers, and have too many friends who have daily health struggles with their children to give a shit what sex the baby is! I know, MOST people have the sense to say, “Oh I just want it to be healthy” and I know they do mean that…to an extent. But deep down they probably are hoping for one over the other. One thing I know, those people have zero history of fertility problems.

The irony is that we spend so much of our younger (and, for women, probably more fertile) years, trying not to get pregnant, only to find out when we think we are ready, that it is so much harder than just having sex once. Clearly this is something they tell teenagers to scare them off sex. Having babies young would not be the worst thing in the world. That’s probably not fantastic advice, but the older you get the quicker time seems to run out.

I am so thankful for my healthy little boy. And you could tell me I was pregnant with twin boys right now and as long as they were healthy, I’d be over the moon. It shouldn’t matter how many children you have, it shouldn’t matter if they’re boys or girls, what should matter is that they are loved, they are healthy, and they are raised to be happy, respectful people.  Now I am working on truly believing it doesn’t matter how many we have.

 

Linking up with Jess at Diary of a Stay At Home Mum for #IBOT

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22 thoughts on “When We’re Young

  1. You are so right – it DOESN’T matter how many you have or what sex they are, it DOES matter that they are healthy and loved !
    Have the best day ever !
    Me

  2. This is great.

    We have three healthy babies which I am thankful for every single day. My sister has had lots of fertility issues and it just seems sooooo unfair. One baby from at least 10 {that I know of} IVF attempts. I wish I could make a baby and give it to her. I wish I could take away some of that constant inner ache. I wish I could just help in some way.

    I don’t feel guilty for having more babies than her, I just wish there was something I could do. Her daughter is a regular at our house. Although I can’t give my sister babies, I can give her daughter cousins that are as close as sisters.

    Hugs.

    • That’s so nice that your niece has your girls that are close. And I’m sure Nick will grow up and have close mates. I hope so anyway!

  3. Infertility is such a silent struggle. People don’t talk about it enough and I completely understand why. Had I known it would be so difficult the second time around, I would have started much earlier. There certainly are some ignorant comment sarong, but thankfully I don’t think any of them are malicious, simply uninformed. xx

  4. oh snap.. i hear you about the when we were young!!!

    We have a healthy girl and a healthy boy.. hubby has finished having babies… I have not..

    might have something to do with his supersperm.. we only needed to try once (ok we tried twice) and I fall pregnant!!

  5. A,
    This thought has been playing on my mind for a few months now. When we are young its all HOW MANY will I have, bla bla bla but the reality is, its not like wham bam sex you ma’am, baby is born.. not at all.. So many things can happen and changes EVERYTHING.
    I too get annoyed if people say they hope for this or that over the other and I haven’t even started trying for children yet, so I can imagine how much that pisses you off.
    I too am grateful for your healthy boy, because my god there are a lot out there struggling.
    Youre a beautiful soul xx

    • Thank you so much for your sweet words Meagan. We just take for granted that it will happen when we want it to, gosh how ignorant can we be? Well, young people can be pretty damn ignorant. I never knew anyone having fertility problems, so you don’t think it would/could happen to you. Thanks again gorgeous girl. xo

  6. Biggest hugs hon – i agree with all you said (god the times my MIL insisted i should want boys as they are better (she had 3) even as i went on to have 2 girls). Any child we are given is really a blessing in itself. much love – deb xx

    • Gosh she actually said that?? That’s sad, and sounds more like she probably really wanted girls and hopes you have the misery of having boys, too! LOL! Babies are an absolute blessing! I’m so glad there’s 2 coming into our family in the next 6 months! I’m going to love being an aunty!

    • I have a friend with 3 boys, and she absolutely wanted her 3rd to be a girl. I do understand if you already have 2 of one sex you’d hope for your 3rd to be the opposite. But their health is obviously still the priority. It’s more the people having their first or second that upset me! Anyone who gets to be a parent is pretty damn lucky! I know I am so lucky to have got my gorgeous boy!

  7. Very true! I was in my early twenties when I had my eldest but having had my last one at 37, I don’t recommend that to anyone. That said, I’m blessed and I don’t forget that.
    Sending you love, hugs and thoughts! xxx

    • Thanks CJ! I am definitely feeling “too old for this shit” and think the time might have passed for us! Would rather age gracefully and enjoy my mid – late 30s without spew and diapers LOL!

  8. Everyone assumed we would want number four to be another boy to even it up, but we really didn’t care. Why would you? My little girl is absolutely priceless!
    I’m glad you’re working on being happy with however many you have, but I honestly hope you do get the chance for more like you want. xxx

    • Thanks Jess. I’m starting to weigh up the pros and cons – being sick yesterday made me thankful I didn’t have more. Nick was so good and entertained himself all day. Plus I’m starting to get “too old for this shit” (this shit being sleepless nights and nappy changes lol). What will be will be, right?

  9. I’m (slowly) working towards acceptance that we’re only going to have one, it’s not an easy journey and it’s ok to acknowledge that you’re blessed right now but you wish your cup was that little bit more full. For six years I would have given anything for one, then we got one and my heart just feels there should be two – part of me screams that I should be happy but I can’t help but miss what should have/could have/might have been… and you know, that’s ok, it’s not easy or fair but it’s ok to feel like that. I hope that the journey to acceptance for you goes smoothly. I wish I had words of advice that could actually help but instead I’ll say that I feel your pain and am sending love.

    • Thank you Kyla, and I am sending love to you, too. It is such a difficult journey. And it is really hard when you feel the time crunch, hard to know what to do, how much you can keep going before you break, what you will sacrifice to make it happen, knowing when you’re at the point where you have to “give up”. Just so unfair. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story.

  10. Couldn’t agree more! I was just talking about this with my friends last night funnily enough. We do spend years trying not to have babies then when your ready to have one or are lucky enough to have one and wanting another worrying that you are too old!

    • yet men get to fill the world with their spawn as long as they want to it seems! I’m not sure what my advice to young women would be anymore to be honest. Once upon a time I’d have said wait for Mr Right. But they seem to be taking women longer and longer to find! Maybe mr Right Now really is all you need?! ha ha!

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