When you lose someone you love, there are a few days throughout the course of the year that become a bit more difficult to deal with. Their birthday, Christmas, the anniversary of their passing, or a day that glorifies that relationship you’ve lost. Like Father’s Day.
I’m grateful for my husband and son, today of all days, because it gives us a chance for Father’s Day to still be about celebration, about the relationship of a father and a son, about their relationship. Without them, it would just be a giant reminder of the man we lost almost 2 years ago.
This photo was taken on Father’s Day, 2010. Less than a month later, he was no longer with us. I look back on this photo and wonder if he felt sick then. If he knew something was “off” or if he was just going about his business every day, not at all suspecting what was around the corner.
Dad’s death really made me start to question life. Why are we here? What is the point? The purpose? It’s probably responsible for the irrational fear of death I have – not that fearing death is irrational, but fearing a catastrophe if you walk out the door/get on a plane/drive a country road/ride a ride at a theme park…that probably is a bit irrational.
My dad wasn’t always a great dad, he probably didn’t really live up to anyone’s, including his own, expectations of being a father. But he did the best he could, or knew how, which sometimes is really all you can ask. He loved his grandson. He told me he may not have been a great dad, but he was going to be a great grandad. I know he loved us too, but I think too often and for too long he wasn’t quite sure how to. If my heart was broken over my loss, it was shattered into a million pieces for Nick’s loss.
But while I’m sad for not having my dad here for father’s day, I’m so happy to watch my husband and son, their special father/son bond, their relationship, which as any has it’s rough patches, but for the most part is so special. I took some time to ask Nick a few questions about dad for father’s day, and here’s what he said:
Love these two boys so very much.
Linking up with Jess at Diary of a Stay at Home Mum for #IBOT