My Dearest Nicklas,
At the risk of sounding cliche, I just can’t believe you’re almost 4 years old. There is nothing “baby” about you anymore, you are just so grown up. As you told me, just a couple of days ago, “Mummy? I am a man, am I?” (but you said it in the tone as if you were saying, “Aren’t I?”). “Yes, darling, you are a man,” I said. And I started trying to picture you as a man.
I wondered what you would look like, just as I wondered what you’d look like before you were born. I wondered what kind of job you would have, what kind of place you would live in, what kind of friends you’d have, what kind of life you would lead. It was difficult for me to picture you as a 4 year old boy, when you were born. But it has come around so quickly, so naturally, with so much laughter and joy (and the occasional frustration and tear) and I am sure that when you are a man, it will seem just as natural. And I’ll think you every bit as handsome, smart, funny as I do now.
I have just loved the last couple of years, watching you grow. From 18 months to today, there has been so much development, personality, and learning, it has absolutely been an honour and a privilege to be your mum, to witness every step of it and I can’t wait to see what the next few years brings, with you starting school!
You’re very much a mama’s boy, and that may embarrass you later, when you read this. But know that I absolutely love it. I love that you want to cuddle me, curl up on the couch with me, that you want me to lay with you while you go to sleep and that you walk around holding my hand. I love that you love your mama, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it, before you are all grown up and some
evil woman lovely girl steals your heart.
I know it’s our jobs as parents, to raise you, teach you, give you “roots and wings”, I just wish it didn’t go so quickly. I wish I could freeze time, on a lazy Saturday, and spend forever running, playing, laughing. I love you so much. More than I ever thought possible, and finally, the words, “A mother’s love” resonate with me, and make sense.
I feel so lucky to be your mum. I don’t ever want to waste a second of it.
All my love,