Science vs Religion/Spirituality

I like to think I have always been a “whatever is meant to be will be” type of person. But whether it is because of God’s plan, or because of the way the stars and universe align, I can’t really say. One day I believe one thing, the next I believe another. I may not know exactly what I believe, but I do know that I believe something. I know I believe something greater than us has a plan, and we have to let it happen. I know that things always work out, one way or another. I know that no matter how much you want something, you may not get it, and vice versa. I know there are scientific explanations for many things. I know there are spiritual explanations, “miracles” and “meant to be’s” if you will, for many things.

So when it comes to making and having babies. I am totally stumped. I know that making babies is a science. It’s simple biology. I know that certain things have to all be happening at the same time for a baby to be made. Sometimes all those things can be happening, but babies still aren’t made. So is it a scientific failure? A spiritual failure? A combination of both?

If we are meant to have another baby we will. Right? But what lengths are we meant to go to in order for that to happen? Maybe we’re not supposed to have another one? Maybe I put too much pressure on it? Maybe thinking about it all the time is making it not happen? I know this post makes it sound like it’s all I think about. It’s not all I think about. But I have had a lot of time, years actually, to think about it, and this is a culmination of all those years of thoughts. From the time you have your first baby people want to know when you’ll have your second. For over 3.5 years people have been wondering when we’ll have a second. I’ve been wondering the same thing.

Babies are born in to awful situations all the time. Into poverty, disease, famine, born out of rape. Why do women who don’t want or can’t look after babies have them? Why are there people who do want them, can look after them, would be amazing parents, but fertility eludes them? Are these scientific failures, spiritual failures or combination of both?

I know people, several people, who were told they would never have a baby, yet they have them, some cases have more than one! I know people who have been tested and “should be fine” but nothing is happening. Scientific, spiritual or both?

Am I over-analysing this? Probably. It’s just that I don’t like not having answers. I don’t like feeling neurotic, which I know is exactly how I am sounding, because I can’t make heads or tails of a situation. I don’t like the term “unexplained infertility.” I would almost rather have a known issue so we have a reason. If there was a reason, maybe I could accept that this is what our family is meant to be.

I feel like Nick has been physically with us for over 4 years (inc. pregnancy) but spiritually with me my entire life. And I can’t explain it, but I feel like there is another soul out there I’m connected to. As long as I feel that connection, it is really hard for me to accept we are meant to be a family of 3.

I’m going to stop temping. Stop charting. Stop praying for a baby, and start praying for peace. Peace of mind that things are as they should be, and we will do what we think is right, when we think is right.

Linking up with Jess for

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14 thoughts on “Science vs Religion/Spirituality

  1. It’s true, once you have the first.. a lot of people assume you will have a second baby and ask when haha.. we are currently thinking about that too and have somewhat come up with an answer, but not 100% sure. there are still a lot of things to sort through but one thing we know for sure, even if we want another baby, we might not be able to have one for whatever reason. Just have to pray about it..

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

    • I’ve taken to praying to anyone/anything that will listen. But I really feel like I’ve been praying for the wrong thing. I just want to accept what I have, not try to force what I have not, and may not be meant to have. It’s sad, I’ve had friends pregnant with their second boy be asked if they’ll go again to try for a girl. Why can’t people just be happy for the precious soul on his way!? Already rushing him out of the way for the next? People really need some perspective I think!

  2. When I read your last two paragraphs about being connected to another soul I got goosebumps. Actually every time I read it I get a bit of a tingle. I could relate to everything that you wrote. Take breath, relax and what will be will be. I won’t be surprised when you announce your next little gift is actually on its way. I am sure it is already, just a matter of the time being right. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely

    • Thanks Rhi. I know, timing is everything, and everything happens in its own perfect timing. That is my mantra at the moment! I had never understand that feeling of having your family incomplete, but I really understand it and feel it now. Can’t ignore it.

  3. I think that things happen when they happen. I obviously have faith, but I think everything about when a baby is born, the date, time and moment is because that is the moment that God planned for them to be born.
    I never felt finished, until I did. Now I know, our family is complete. If youre not done, you’re not done and hold on; I’m sure this will happen for you.
    Also, I didn’t think you sounded neurotic at all. Xxx

    • Thanks Jess, I was certainly starting to FEEL neurotic. And it’s hard to talk about all these things because as soon as I get into it I can see the looks, and then I hear the words, “You need to stop thinking about it.” I wish I could. All in good time, and all that.

  4. The questions, the wondering, it’s all so natural on the trying to conceive journey. I’ve been there and had to deal with the “unexplained infertility” diagnosis as well. I choose to believe my children are a miracle and a blessing. We didn’t ever know if we’d have any and then we did. IVF aided us the first time when I was on the cusp of being told I’m too old (40). Then, miraculously, our second was conceived naturally almost two years later to the day. I can’t explain that. It happened about 3 months after we were told all our frozen embryos were no longer viable and we had nothing to rely on any further but a natural miracle, something my body could not conjure up the first time round. I have no answers for you but you need to choose the path that sits right in your heart and gut and if that is focusing on peace, then do so. If it is actively pursuing IVF, then do so. If it is a combination of both (since IVF isn’t a guarantee and you’ll need to calm your nerves whilst waiting for outcomes), then do that. Wishing you what your heart desires.

    • Thanks Veronica. I have no idea how I would stay calm, waiting to find out if IVF had worked or not. I thought I’d never want to do it, but I know now that was only because I thought it would never come to that point. If that is the road we go down, I’ll be coming to you for support and tips on how NOT to go neurotic through the process!

    • Thanks Misha. Will definitely listen to my heart, and hope that my heart can be open and accepting to whatever the eventual outcome is. And thanks for the reminder, I definitely need to keep my faith in me and the family that is here with me now, every day.

    • Thanks Michelle. You are so right. If it is meant to be, it WILL be. And I’ll do everything in my power, and if that is not enough, then it’s not meant to be.

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