It is hard today to think of what I’m thankful for. On Thanksgiving of all days, gratefulness eludes me. I may have to resort to superficial things, or to regurgitating old things just to get the ball rolling, to get in the right frame of mind.
I am always thankful for my family. My husband, son, sisters, mum, sometimes for my nanna (sorry nan). My family do so much for me, I try not to imagine how much harder things would be without them, how empty my life would be, because it just reduces me to a bit of a wreck.
I’m thankful for my son’s friends. In particular, J, who really clicks with N. They can play together for hours without needing intervention. I’ve never seen 2 kids play quite like it. It was great having him over this week (and his mum!). They really are 2 peas in a pod.
I’m thankful for Thursdays that I am not on the roster at work, because I know I will get about 8 hours to myself. Just ME. I know a lot of mums who don’t get this much time to themselves in a whole week, unless you count sleeping! Today I’ve read half a Jodi Picoult book, mopped the bathroom floors, cleaned the shower, done the laundry, am posting this blog and then will watch the Parenthood episode hubby downloaded for me. And I’ll still have some time left over.
I’m thankful for friends with high seniority at a certain airline who have given my husband the opportunity to see his family this Christmas/New Year. I wish N & I could go too, but that is too far out of the financial realm os possibility.
I’m thankful for my husband’s computer only needing a $65 part to be fixed, and that my husband could fix it himself. Why do these things always happen just a couple of months out of warranty? Only a PC…. (heehee)
I’m thankful we made the decision to move N to his new daycare centre. Or as he calls it, “School.” We are no longer allowed to call it kindy. It’s only his 2nd week, his 5th day, and this morning he barely even showed any interest in saying bye to me. I can’t reiterate enough how refreshing it is. I wish we moved him 10 months ago when we moved, instead of driving the 30 minutes each way to the old place because we thought he was happy there. I know as soon as we left he was happy, when we picked him up, in the photos they showed us, he WAS happy, but something must have just been not quite right. This new place feels SO right.
I’m thankful I’m almost through those 80 phone calls I had to make! Only 14 numbers left to get! I’ve contacted everyone at least twice now, so now it is going to be even harder to get those last few numbers. Just like the last 5 kilos, they’re stubborn and just won’t budge (or answer the phone!).
And if I have to look for a silver lining, I could possibly be thankful that fertility specialists even exist. That there are tests, medications, procedures, methods for helping us figure this out. I just hope that we will know when enough is enough, and that we aren’t starting down the long, winding, bumpy road of years of heartbreak. It’s hard not to get ahead of yourself, to be pessimistic when really optimism would be far better serving. It’s hard not to feel angry on so many different levels, with so many different people. For now, I’ll try to forget that, and be thankful we have options. And hopeful that one will work.
Sometimes this list is hard to start, but I always find once I get started, it can be hard to stop. No matter what you’re feeling, it’s always good to participate in Kate’s Thankful Thursday because you always feel better afterwards. Go on, do it, if I can, you can.