Change

Just the word “change” can illicit hives and cries of pain and fear from some people. I have always thought I handled change quite well. I mean, I left home at 18 to go study on the other side of the world for 4 years. I managed. I managed (mostly) quite well. Then I moved to a new city to start a new job, and I managed just fine there, too. Moving back to Australia, having a child, both major changes, that surprisingly (or maybe not so?) were harder than any other change I’d ever had to deal with. But I’m on the other side of both and for the most part, am now thriving.

I can handle moving house, I can more-than handle moving rooms around (just ask my husband – this is a frequent occurrence in our house), I can handle changing jobs.

It seems the only change I am uncomfortable with is anything regarding my son’s daycare. We’ve had a couple of his carers leave over the last 2 years, and I have not handled that well. I have cried. Twice. My son? He doesn’t even notice, I don’t think. He is fine, no matter who the carers are.

After the last carer left, I’d had enough, and went to visit another centre that is around the corner from us. As the crow flies, it’d be 30 seconds, unfortunately because of dead-end roads, it’s about a 4-5 minute drive (as opposed to 15-30 depending on traffic to the current centre). It’s also on the way to/from my work. Much more convenient. It’s a montessori-based program, which I have always had an attraction to. It’s a small centre, just the one class, in a renovated house in a neighbourhood. I put him on the waiting list for the days I wanted.

Yesterday I got a call from this centre to say there is a spot for him, Wed, Thurs, Fri. The days I need. Right now finding someone to watch him Wednesday is always a last minute thing, depending on if there is someone absent from kindy. If not, my sister then mum have him. I feel bad relying on them every week.

Everyone except me seems to think the move will be good, he will be fine, there are more pros than cons, he may even meet kids there that he will go on to prep with seeing as it is in the same general area as the school we are hoping he will go to.

Why am I so resistant? Probably because I know he is happy where he is, even if he always cries when I drop him off. Can’t blame the kid for trying to get out of it I guess. But I know once I leave he is happy. He’s been there 2 years, so I am comfortable with the place, the people, who to an extent have stayed the same, but there has been a bit of turnover. I guess on some level I am scared of scarring him forever. Like, when he’s 28 and an unemployed, junkie loser he’ll say, “IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR CHANGING MY KINDIES!!!!”

I just worry about him. I worry about him making friends. I worry about him going to “big school” for the same reason. I worry about bullying, teasing, tears, pain. As parents we know we can’t wrap them in cotton wool, as much as we’d like to, but there are some things in our control, and this is one of those things. I can NOT make him go through this change. I can keep him in the environment he is comfortable in. I know he will need to learn about change, and adaptation, but he’s only 3. Does he need to learn that yet? I just don’t want to fuck it up. And by “it”, I obviously mean “him”.

Will someone please just tell me what the answer is? Give me that crystal ball so I can see that he will be ok if we do this?

 

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One thought on “Change

  1. Not being a parent, take me with a grain of salt. I think this is the perfect time for him to learn about change. If he rarely experiences it, I don’t think he will adapt as easily. Maybe practice makes perfect?

    I’m almost positive he won’t look back & blame you for changing his kindie. 🙂 There are so many more important aspects of life than kindie. 🙂

    *big hugs* You will both get through this & thrive on the other end. 🙂

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