We’ve all heard of postpartum depression, but we may not have all heard of post-nuptial depression. The name really speaks for itself, and is exactly what you might imagine. A bride (or in some cases, groom) who, after her wedding falls into a slump, or depression, because The Big Day is over.
Postnuptial depression may not be a clinical diagnosis, but it has entered the lexicon of marriage in the past few years, and newly hitched couples will tell you it’s real. The blues typically hit early in married life, psychiatrists say, as newlyweds begin recognizing that expectations of how their partner or relationship will change postwedding are unrealistic. Worse, once the Big Day has come and gone, couples are forced to step out of their much-cherished and often long-lived “bride and groom” spotlight and just get on with real life.”
Those of you who are married know what it takes to plan a wedding – even an elopement is not without months of careful planning. I personally planned my wedding from 12 months out. We took trips to Florida, 5 hours away, to scout locations, caterers, cakes, florists, etc. I looked at pictures upon pictures upon pictures for inspiration (seriously, where was Pinterest back in 2005!?!?). I searched high and low for dresses and ended up with 3*!
So when The Big Day gets here, and in the blink of an eye it is over, it’s probably somewhat common for brides to think, “What now?” You’ve been the center of attention for the better part of a weekend (or longer), you’ve had this extracurricular activity of searching for The Perfect Everything for your day for maybe 12 months or so, and now you have nothing to do, and no one to pander to your every want. Depressing. And if The Perfect Day hasn’t gone to plan? All those months of planning and stressing are out the window in one foul swoop! On top of all that, now life is back to the daily grind that it was pre-wedding day.
All this to say I know I suffered post-nuptial depression after my wedding. Almost everything went wrong. And now, after my sister’s wedding, I think I am suffering it again. Bridesmaids could have post-nuptial depression too, couldn’t they?
I think I’m depressed because my sister looked gooooooooooorgeous (I kept telling everyone, “Well, yes, but I got the brains you see”), she and her husband looked so happy (I don’t remember the last time I would have looked so happy?), they were surrounded by family and friends (I feel like since having kids our good times with friends have become far few and way too far in between)…so lots of reasons to be feeling a bit depressed this post-nuptial week. Also, my sister does not care for photos. She didn’t hire a wedding photographer – there were enough guests who have DSLRs and consider themselves somewhat confident with a camera – and she has so many amazing pictures! I think I have 2 pics I like from my wedding, but I wouldn’t go as far as calling them amazing.
Time and circumstance have beaten me down, I’m afraid. I’m a bit fed up with life this week. I’m fed up with our circumstances. I’m pissed off. Pissed off that dad isn’t here, that my son has, essentially only one grandparent (and another but on the other side of the world), that my husband’s police application has been delayed, that I can’t get the exact hours I want at work because I’m only casual, that we are constantly having financial struggles, that it feels like Groundhog Day every damn day and time is going way too fast! How can I enjoy life when I’m going to be 70 and old before I know it?
Is this the beginning of a mid-life crisis? My God it could be. I hope it comes with a Ferrari?*I bought the first dress I tried on because it was “good enough” and reduced to $300. I bought another dress – a more casual thing online, for about $110 to change in to for the reception because dress 1 was quite formal. Then my mum and sister, who were on the other side of the world when both were purchased, hated them, and my sister and I bought dress #3 for about $600. I sold that for $300 so still spent less than $750 on 3 dresses, only wore 1, gave the first 2 away.