I’ve been tagged by the lovely Jocelyn over at Life As Mummy Max to share 10 things about myself you wish you didn’t know.
I’m not 100 % sure what I’m going to share yet, as the title sort of makes it sound like I should be telling you deep dark secrets, or at the very least, gross things that you’ll read and go, “Really? I didn’t need to know THAT!” Things like I fart in my sleep. Which I don’t.
I feel like I should share gross habits I might have, like picking my nose. Which I don’t. So here goes.
1. My feelings are easily hurt. I don’t like to be left out, I get upset when I read about people doing things I wasn’t invited to, even if there is no real reason they would invite me in the first place. All I want is to be accepted and liked. You know, one of those people when someone mentions my name, others say, “Oh, I LOVE her! She’s so nice!” Or when people make plans with others they say, “We should invite her!”
2. Leading on from that, I always expect the best from everyone. I hold everyone to high standards, perhaps too high? And as a result, they are never lived up to, and I am disappointed. My therapist pointed this out to me. I’ve always considered myself a pessimist, but perhaps I really am an optimist, always expecting the best.
3. I’m an iGirl. I have an iMac, iPod, iPhone and iPad. I’d still (not so) secretly love a MacBook. But as even an apple dude pointed out to me – there’s no need, b/c I have the iMac and iPad. Thanks iGeek, whose iSide are you on?
4. If I could be anything/do anything, I would be a rock star. A country rock star. I am That Person, in my car, at the traffic lights, singing at the top of my voice. I’ve been caught out more than once, and I don’t care if you see me, laugh, and think my singing sucks. I’m still going to do it. My list of things to do before I was 30 included having singing lessons. Unfortunately it never happened. Might add it to the “before 40” list.
5. I thought I would love being a stay at home mum and would have 5 kids, raise them all to be fantastic people and come time for my mid-60s would have a house full of kids and grandkids for Christmas. I’m mid-30s and have 1 child and after 14 months at home with him I was desperate to go back to work a few days a week. I still plan to raise him to be a fantastic person and come home for Christmas 😉
6. Most of the time I feel like a failure, and wish I could go back to my teenage years and tell myself to study law or something that will actually earn me a half decent pay check in the years to come. Why didn’t anyone tell me that, then? Why don’t teenagers think about the future? Why don’t mums tell their daughters that when they have children, they will want to go back to work, and they should study something that will give them part time options but still pay well?
7. There was a very slight tinge of disappointment when the sonographer told us our son was a boy. I make fun of my husband for giving me a pouty lip face when she told us, but if I’m 100% honest, my heart sunk a tiny bit too. I think I really knew it was a boy, but still had an ounce of hope that it might be a girl. Now of course, I know I couldn’t have picked a better kid given the option and I wouldn’t give him back for all the girls in the world. I love that he’s a mama’s boy, and I hope he stays that way. No girl will ever love him like I do! [insert evil laugh here]. I desperately need another child so that I don’t burden/harass/stalk my only child for his entire adult life. To my future daughter or son-in-law, I am truly sorry.
8. I know that if I ate better and exercised regularly, I’d be about 10 kgs lighter than I am at the moment. But I can’t help it. I love food – bad food – and I am lazy. I can always find an excuse for not going for a walk/run. And even though I know it’s only 30-40 minutes, when I do go, it bores the shit out of me. It’s much easier to sit around watching TV, eating junk, and complaining about how fat I am than to get off my arse and do something about it. What kind of example does that set for my son? Not a very good one.
9. When my son was 18 months old I was diagnosed with PPD. I went on medication for 4-6 months, can’t remember exactly, and they helped a lot. Now my problem is that whenever I feel down/sad/miserable/tired I can’t help but wonder if it’s “depression” coming back. And if it does come back, is it still PPD or is it just general depression?
10. I’m a hypercondriac. Every time something hurts or I don’t feel quite right, I am convinced I have cancer/blood clot/tumour and am going to die in my sleep. That is pretty fucked up, but it’s the way it is! I feel like it’s not a matter of “if” but a matter of “when” and “what kind” of cancer I will get. The chances are it will be melanoma, given my mum’s history and the fact we have the same skin and as a child and even into my mid 20s I was constantly exposed to the sun. I just hope that it’s caught early enough that I can get rid of it. My second greatest fear is me not being here for Nick. My greatest fear is Nick not being here for me.
So there you have it. 10 pretty random things. It took a while to get started, but once you get going you can probably come up with another 10 things pretty quickly. The people I wanted to tag have already all done this, so I’m going to pass on tagging anyone.