A while ago I did the 30 Day Challenge to try and get my brain into writing mode again. Day 13 asked you to write a letter to someone who had hurt you recently. At the time, I wasn’t ready to write this letter. Now I am.
I can’t even bring myself to address this to “Dear” S, because plain and simple, there is nothing dear about you.
Twenty years you were in our lives. Twenty years is a long time, long enough that most couples would have merged their families by then. But not you. You kept us separate – his and yours – the whole time. Growing up, you were constantly on our backs to work, but the same standard did not apply to your kids. You whined about how hard you had it when you were younger – 2 young children, a full time job, life was hard for you. You wanted life to be hard for us, too. Guess what? Life is hard for a lot of people. We couldn’t possibly ever have it as hard as you did, as you constantly reminded us. I think this must have come from some kind of jealousy. You couldn’t stand that mum and dad wanted to help us, to do what they could for us, because the boy you chose to father your children wanted nothing to do with them. Or you. You chose that life for you, and we had the option to choose better for ourselves.
It’s become blatantly obvious that you never wanted anything to do with us. You wanted dad to come into your life and look after you and your kids, and abandon his kids in the process. Well congratulations, because you won. I know dad wanted to be more for us, do more for us, be more involved in our lives. And I know it was you who stopped him.
You say he was your soulmate. Third time’s a charm I suppose. But if he was your soulmate, why did you treat him so poorly? Why was he always in the doghouse and not looking forward to going home? You made him miserable. But he was too proud to admit that he had given up everything for you. He felt he had to make it work, because in the world he came from, two failed relationships was too much shame.
I know it kills you that his children were raised to be competent, able young ladies, while your children grew up to be dependant, incapable blood suckers who couldn’t do anything on their own, let alone manage to maintain a relationship of their own. Look at the relationships they’ve seen their mother go through. Of course they don’t want to follow in your footsteps.
You expected dad to work tirelessly to support the three of you. I’m glad he was out of work the weeks before he died. I’m glad he got to live just a LITTLE bit of a life of leisure in his last weeks with us.
When he died, and you told us you got everything which would then be split 5 ways when you died, we didn’t even blink an eye. As far as I was concerned, you were still “Grandma” to my son. I thought nothing would change. Boy how wrong was I? As soon as you thought we would get ANYTHING from dad’s estate, out came the abuse. It’s nice to know, after 20 long years, what you really think of us. Grief, alcohol, whatever your excuse, it doesn’t matter, the truth came out, and you’re not sorry about what you said, just sorry that you said it and now we know.
You finally have everything you wanted. My dad’s money, without my dad or us to have to deal with. You think our pain isn’t as great as yours, isn’t as significant as yours. That our loss is nothing, because we didn’t spend every day with him like you did? Well we didn’t spend every day with him because you took him away from us. Oh, I don’t blame you entirely for that. No, I certainly have my fair share of anger towards my dad as well. But he’s not here anymore for me to tell him.
It doesn’t surprise me to know that dad’s family didn’t think much of you over the last 20 years either. Grandma and Granddad would be turning in their graves, knowing their hard-saved money that was supposed to help their son and grand-daughters is all in the hands of a greedy, selfish, heartless bitch.
Before dad died, he told me not to make the same mistake he did. He said that I would look back on this time as the greatest years of my life, I just didn’t realise it at the time. I don’t think I need to translate that for you. I know what he meant, and you do too. You were a mistake. His choice to leave us for you, was a mistake.
I naively thought we had a decent relationship with you. When people asked if we were close, I explained that while we weren’t super close, we were on good terms. What a farce that was. When I really thought about it, in 20 years we never once did anything with you if dad wasn’t involved. No shopping, no coffee, no visits. There was no relationship. And that’s how it is now, and I’m more than happy with that arrangement.
I hope you can sleep well at night, knowing how you’re treating your “soul mate’s” children. You might as well stop going to church twice a year, because people like you don’t get to be with Him in the end.