Yesterday was a bit of a tough day for me. We went to a birthday party for one of my very dearest friends little girl. There were 7 of us mums there, each with a child around 3 years old. But I was the only one who didn’t have a second child.
Now I know it’s not a competition (well, it’s not supposed to be), but it was a bit overwhelming. And it’s not anyone’s fault, but my own. No one made me feel insecure or inferior for only having one but myself. It’s not that we don’t want another child. It just hasn’t happened for us yet. And who knows if or when it will? For the longest time I didn’t think I wanted another one, but over the last few months it’s become so obvious to me that I do. When you are telling people in one breath that you are ok with just having one child, but then feeling your heart break with every newborn picture on Facebook or every new pregnancy announcement, you can no longer ignore the fact that you want another baby.
I can sit here and recite an extensive list of benefits to only having one child, that mostly revolve around finances, education, travel, blah blah blah. But it doesn’t matter how I try to make it “ok” in my mind, to only have one child, this feeling of wanting, of needing another child goes much deeper.
I never did understand what people meant when they’d say they “knew the family wasn’t complete” yet. If I’m being honest, I thought people who said that were a bit whacky! What was this feeling of “completion” they kept talking about? I had no idea. That was until the other night. The three of us were sitting at the dinner table and it just felt like there should be someone else there with us. There should be a 4th person in this family. Maybe even a 4th and 5th.
But here’s the problem. After my son was born, the GP I saw (at a women’s clinic no less) recommended the depo pro vera shot. This is a shot that you get every 3 months, that essentially stops you from ovulating. It can take as long as 2 years, maybe more, to get out of your system. My last shot was when Nick was about 4-5 months. So it’s been almost 2.5 years since the last shot, and my cycle is still messed up. To say I’m angry at this Dr is an understatement. My current GP as well as the OB/GYN I had my procedure with in January will NOT recommend this as birth control to anyone who wants to have more children. So why the HELL was it recommended to me as a 29 year old woman who’d just had her first child???
Now, whether or not that is actually the problem, I can’t be 100% certain. But I’d say it has something to do with it. I have an appointment with the aforementioned OB/GYN in a few weeks, to talk about “options”. What that means, I don’t really know. Perhaps it means ovulation drugs, more testing, I guess I’ll find out if I go to the appointment. Or we just keep going along, believing it “will happen when it’s supposed to.” I used to believe that, but I don’t know anymore.
I don’t want this to turn into a trying to conceive (TTC) blog. But I do want women to know about this shot. And to know that it is NOT good or normal to stop your body from doing what it is supposed to do. Hopefully it’s not too late for us to still end up with a second baby, to love and cherish as much as we do our first. Hopefully it is not to late to complete our family.