A “Where-Has-My-Life-Gone” Blog Entry

I remember being about 14 years old, and thinking, “Wow, in the year 2000, I will be 21/22 years old! That’s going to be awesome!” (except I probably didn’t use “awesome” because I think at that point it was more likely that “rad” or  something was the hot word of the year). Awesome, rad, either one, it seemed like a lifetime away. School years dragged by so slowly at the time. Now, 16 years post graduation, I realise just how quickly they were going. And as any old(er) person will tell you, each one seems to go faster than the last.

I couldn’t wait to be old enough to drive on my own. I couldn’t wait to be old enough to make a lot of money (it’s all relative isn’t it?) and have my own place. I couldn’t wait to meet the man of my dreams, the man I would spend my life and build a family with. I couldn’t wait to get engaged. I couldn’t wait to get married. I couldn’t wait to get pregnant. I couldn’t wait for bub to get here.

Is it just me, or does it seem like we’re always waiting for the next big thing to happen? I suppose it is good to have things to look forward to. Things that help you get through the mundane every day “stuff”. But in the meantime, we’re wishing our life away, waiting for these big events to happen, when it’s the little every day events that mean the most and make the most memories.

Getting a job is a huge event. But keeping that job is an every day process. Getting married is one of the biggest days in any person’s life. But keeping the marriage together is an everyday effort, and sometimes battle. Having a baby is an amaaaaaazing experience – the pregnancy, the birth, meeting your child for the first time. But those events are fleeting. Being a parent every day for the rest of your life is a rewarding challenge.

I often think we are watching life flash before our eyes, waiting for what’s next. Remember being a child, and dreaming about what you’d be…”when you grow up”? Guess what. We’re grown up. Are you what you thought you’d be? I know I’m not.

I turn 33 this year. 33 used to seem so old, even just a few years ago, 33 seemed old to me. The saying, “You’re not getting any younger!” has never hit so close to home for me and I am scared. I’m scared of aging. I long to see Nick grow up into a great young man, but if he’s a great young man, that means I’m an old lady!

I can’t keep up now, how am I going to keep up then? Will I be on facebook with my kids and grandkids? Will I be tweeting, tumblring and blogging still? So much of my day is spent looking at my computer or phone, and I’m sick of it. But I can’t stop it. I think it’s possible I may need help? I’m a screen-a-holic…computer, phone, TV, camera….I can’t get enough of it. And while I know what I should do is turn the computer off (if I have to keep booting it up, I’m likely to use it less, right?), leave my phone in my purse and use it only for calls. Better still, when my contract is up in a few months, get one that just makes and receives calls! I should also probably watch less TV, and not let my son watch so much either.

I know all this, but I do nothing.




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