When you have a family, you take on the responsibility to care for them, provide for them, be there for them when they need you, and even when they don’t. My father took on that responsibility when he married my mum and had 3 daughters with her. But a few years down the line, he decided he didn’t want, or couldn’t handle that responsibility anymore, and he left. The ridiculous thing is, he left to be with a woman who had 2 teenage children. Why wasn’t he willing to fulfil his obligation to the responsibilities he created, but was willing to take on someone else’s responsibility?
Twenty years he spent with that family. And by with, I mean dictated by, ruled by, stuck with. He couldn’t do anything for his own children without being chastised or pulled up.
As a result, the money his parents worked hard to save, that was passed on to him, in hopes it would one day be passed on to their granddaughters, is now in the hands of a vindictive, manipulative woman and her incapable children. Yes, they may be almost 40, but they are still children. All three of them depended on my father to work and provide for them. Because my sisters and I didn’t rely on him financially, we are entitled to nothing. So says the superannuation fund.
Once again, another example of how in this country, if you can take care of yourself, you are punished, not rewarded.
I could get angry at any number of people for this happening. But right now, I’m angry at my father. The problem is, he’s not here to defend himself, or for me to yell at. It’s too late for him to clean up the mess he may or may not have known he was leaving.
He promised my mother he’d take care of us, in return for a 50-50 split in the divorce. He promised long before that to love her and cherish her. He didn’t live up to any of his promises, so I don’t know why I even bother to think or wish that he had lived up to either of these ones.
In the months before he died, he told me he knew he hadn’t been a good father. He told me not to make the same mistakes he did, that years from now I would look back on this time in my life (with young children) as the best years of my life, I just didn’t realise it at the time. And I can’t get these words out of my head. Did he regret his choices? Did he think his life after us had been one big mistake? If so, why didn’t he walk away from it? I suspect his pride kept him there. That he thought one failed relationship was enough, he didn’t need another. Maybe he thought that since he’d given up everything for them, he had to prove to everyone it was worth it.
I can’t fight this fight. Financially or emotionally. I don’t want to fight this fight. He gave us very little in his life, it’s only fitting he give us nothing in his death. My heart is still broken because Nick misses his granddad. And he was a great granddad. I think he was trying to make up for being a crappy dad. But it’s too late. Everything is too late.
I leave you with this – if you have children, you make sure they’re taken care of. Don’t do it next week, next month, next year. Make an appointment today and make sure that you have it in writing exactly what you want them to have. And, if you have children, don’t walk out on them because things are a bit tough and you are too closed off to try and fix it. Take responsibility.