Forever

It’s valentine’s day today. As a funny side note, a friend of mine on facebook referred to it as “VD”. All I could think was “venereal disease?” Now there’s a Valentine’s Day present.

I keep seeing proclamations of love online. Associated with valentine’s day , love and romance is the word “Forever.” It’s a pretty powerful word. FOREVER. Never ending. But what is forever?  Til death do us part? Til we can no longer reconcile our differences? Til the world is imploded by a meteorite hurtling towards earth? 2036 that is supposed to happen, by the way. Start your party planning.

The truth is, we’re not here forever. We’re here for a lifetime, and that can be as long or as short as the Powers That Be decide to make it. Does forever keep going, once we’ve passed on? Is forever like school? Or previous jobs? We’re not there anymore, we’ve moved on, but we’re still here. We’re just not there. Maybe its like that when we die. We’re still within ourselves. We’re just not on earth. For a long time, if I thought about it hard enough, the idea that there were still kids going to my high school, after I had already graduated and gone on, was a weird thought to me. It was almost like I thought that school ceased being when I stopped being a student there. Obviously that’s a completely ridiculous thought.

I don’t know why I can’t get all this out of my head today. Its probably because I’m reading “Not Without My Daughter” and it raises all kinds of questions about mortality. It probably also has something to do with my father’s death. Maybe its because I feel like time is absolutely flying and there’s nothing I can do to slow it down. I don’t want this to end, but it has to. It will. One day. Then I just start hoping and praying with all my might that one day is still a very, VERY long way away. Betty Mahmoody faced a lot of moments when she thought she may never see her daughter again, or see her family in the US again. I don’t ever want to have that feeling, or that fear.

I need to just push it to the back (or even completely out – that would be great) of my mind and enjoy today, St. Valentine’s Day. And look forward to my childless weekend away with my hubby. First whole weekend to ourselves in over 2.5 years! We won’t know what to do with ourselves! Don’t worry, we’ll think of something.

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