No one tells you how confusing it can be to lose someone. They don’t tell you that there are moments of peace, of acceptance, followed so quickly by moments of anger, moments of thinking that the person will be back soon and you can talk to them then. It is the moments when I realise I will never see dad again, never talk to him again, never hug him again, that hurt the most.
In these moments, my chest gets so heavy, like someone or something is pushing against it. I feel like I might throw up. I feel a sorrow that I have never felt before.
I’ve been accused of making this “all about me”, but….it IS all about me. For me, its about the relationship that I have lost, its about the relationship my son has lost. I know others are grieving and mourning their loss also, but to get through this, to really grieve and get through the process, I have to make it about me. I have to make it about my feelings, my loss, my regrets, my blessings. Everyone who loses someone, mourns that relationship they have lost. We have to take care of ourselves, and that means going through the process of dealing with all our emotions, no matter how scattered and crazy they may be. It doesn’t mean we stop caring about others, or that we become insensitive to their feelings, it just means that we look after ourselves, so we can continue to look after those around us.