Have I mentioned before, how terrifying it is when you wake up one day, in your 30s, and think “Oh my god, THIS IS MY LIFE.”

The thing is, when you’re 18-23ish you think you have the whole world at your feet, your whole life in front of you, you can still determine what you’ll be “when you grow up”.

Guess what? THIS IS IT! I am GROWN UP. There is no more “When I grow up I want to be a….”

I am guessing I have already talked about this, as my brain function (most likely due to age, but possibly also due to being pregnant and pushing something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a grape) … what was I saying?

Oh yeah, brain function, completely GONE. I’ve got some of it back from being on the anti-depressant. I not longer talk about eating my couch on my dinner. So you know, that’s a good thing.

It is so hard for me to see the LONG-TERM benefits and planning. I’m scheduled right now to shoot 3 weddings this year. If they go well, I’ll do more to put myself out there and try to get some more business doing that. I’m still doing my part time job, which I still (mostly) enjoy. I am slowly but steadily working on my masters degree. Its going to take 4 years to do it. Assuming I don’t fall pregnant again and have to take a semester (or more) off.

So MAYBE one day, we will have 2 incomes, be able to save money, take vacations. I’m getting less and less concerned about buying a house. I’d much rather have great vacations than a mortgage. At least that’s what I say now. Ask me in 50 years when I’m 80 and no one will rent a place to me b/c I can’t get to the bathroom on time and they’re worried about their carpet.

Yup. This is my life. Do you know I literally DREAM about winning the lottery? And it is often SO REAL that I wake up and want to cry, because I realise it wasn’t real.

I still believe those who say “Money can’t buy happiness” have no idea where to shop! I also think its people who have money who say it more than anyone else.  You know what? It might not be able to buy happiness, but it would certainly take a few stresses off my plate.

I have to go to work. I don’t want to be late. Again. Oops.


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