Champagne High

Well, not a champagne high necessarily, more like a cipramil high. I’ve been on my anti-depressant for 2 weeks now, and I am feeling good. Not “high”, or giddy or anything like that. Just level. I feel “normal” for the first time in ages. I can get out of bed, shower, and face the day, without thinking how hard everything is going to be. Without wishing for the day to be over or wondering how I’m going to get through it. It feels good to feel good. And it feels good to know that I can still FEEL my emotions. This drug does not make me numb, as some others have reported antidepressants making them. I still get happy, and I get sad, but the difference is now I get sad over things that ARE sad, not over stupid TV commercials or for no particular reason. It probably helps, too, that my son is sleeping well again, and I am getting a decent night’s sleep.

Depression is not just a mental state or an emotional state of being sad or upset. It is a very physical feeling of exhaustion, of confusion, of haziness. Sometimes it takes more than exercise or talking to get through that.

But enough of THAT! I have a story to tell about my adorable 18 month old, who this morning made my heart melt. I dropped him at daycare on my way to dropping my husband at work. Mike took him inside while I waited in the car. There are two gates from the parking lot to the building, the door to the building, then another gate to the hallway which his room is down. When Nicklas got out of the car he waved bye to me. Before the first gate, he stopped and turned to wave at me again. He went through that gate, and turned and waved again. He repeated that for the next gate. Each time he had a huge smile on his face that said, “Bye mum! I’m off to play with my friends! Have a good day!” Words can’t describe how much love I have for that kid. He is so amazing, and gets more and more so every day.

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