In the past week, I learned something about my husband that was…intriguing? Maybe “baffling” is more the word I’m looking for, I don’t know.
We are not the fighting type of couple. We bicker back and forth, but in the almost 6 years we’ve been together, I think we’ve had an all-out yelling match once. And that was recently. The only other big blow up didn’t involve much yelling.
So I come to find out that if he is irritated or upset with me, he’ll play out the argument in his head, and for him that’s the end of it. He doesn’t like confrontation, and lets face it who really does? So in his mind, playing it out in his head is enough to get things off his chest. I asked, “And how do those conversations go for you?” He replied, “I always lose.”
Several of my friends have recently been having issues with their husbands/partners, and it all revolves around the men not talking about what they’re thinking/feeling. Could it be possible that every man, or most men, are like my husband? They have this inner dialogue in which they imagine what our responses will be, and then they dismiss the issue, claiming to be past it or over it? When in actual fact they’re not over it at all, they’re just letting it fester until the next time we do something to upset them?
The most telling thing for me was his response about always losing. It tells me that he figures he can’t win an argument anyway, so why bother trying? That maybe he thinks I will brush his feelings aside or make him feel like his opinions and feelings are insignificant.
I’m not sure what I’ve done to make him feel like that, given that as I already stated, we are not a fighting couple. I know at least one of his previous relationships was quite confrontational, so perhaps it has carried over from then? Either way, it turns out the arguing in his head wasn’t working so well…for him OR us. Thankfully we’ve both learned that things are better out in the open.
Now go forth and spread the word to all men!