Rainy Days, Being A Mom

I am not exaggerating at all…it has not stopped raining ALL DAY. It eased up a couple of times, but was still falling, and its still falling quite forefully now. We might need Noah to get us out of here tomorrow.

I got on a train of thought the other day, about being a Mom, and how different my thinking is now. I used to be afraid of so many things, mostly of flying and death. Now my biggest fear is that something will happen to my son. I don’t think I could go on without him. I know that people do go on after losing a child, but I can’t imagine how empty life must feel. Why I even THINK about things like this…I don’t know. Its not that it consumes my every thought, but every now and then it passes through my mind.

Being a stay at home mom is so much harder than I ever imagined. I knew it wouldn’t all be sunshine and roses, but on days like this, when it hasn’t stopped pouring all day, I think, “What am I going to do when he’s 18 months, or 2 years old and wants to run around all day?” He’s almost walking as it is, and he is just in to EVERYTHING. I’m assuming when he’s a bit older and full of energy, I can take him to the park and let him get it all out. Not when its pouring rain all day though!

I’ve applied for a job, its just 2 days a week, and I’m really hoping I get it. Its amazing how much better a mom I feel after someone has had Nick for a few hours and I’ve had a “break” to rejuvenate. Imagine what 2 whole days could do for me? On top of the job, I’ve applied for Grad School, but plan to only do one course to start with. Its been a long time since I’ve had to be superwoman, on the go all the time. And even then, there was no welfare of a child involved. Whatever happens, my son and family will be my number one priority. As it should be.


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